SALEING

by Steve Gwizdalski

The word saleing introduced itself one day
To me in a story - I was unsure of the way
To spell it correctly and make it understood
That it doesn't use water or float boats of wood.

It's a word that's preferred by people like me
Second-hand hunters of used quality.
We'd search for garage sales in the papers at night
Come morning, be first at the best seller's site.

Hold on, let me stop here, before I digress.
And get back to the word I began to address.
It's the spelling of saleing when it follows garage -
I commenced to research it and found quite a collage.

See, sale is the noun that I changed to a verb
When it was used in my story, with no intent to disturb
The writers and teachers of authentic King's English
They see the word saleing, and want me to relinquish
The way that I spelled it on the paper they're reading
It must be redressed so their eyes can stop bleeding.

"Look it up, you clown, saleing doesn't exist.
Learn to spell," they frown. "Go to school," some insist.
"If only you'd paid more attention in class.
You wouldn't be writing like some witless ass.
You can't just write down whatever you want."
"Wanna bet?" I yell back, with a sneer and a taunt.
"It's you and your rules I intend to lampoon.
There's no king to command me, I got plenty of room
To do what I want, and write as I please
Shut up an' quit whinin', you English sleaze."

You tight-assed book learners pent up in your rooms
Get out on the streets where it's safe to presume
You'll encounter a language that's not written down.
You might hear a verb commingle a noun!

I don't care what you say - if you can help, that's fine.
But I refuse to allow you to make me confine
My use of saleing to the rules you uphold.
I'll make your life hell…
once I get paroled.